As if Jeff Bezos's heart breaks for anything

CEG Amazon Rensselaer cropped

The Onion, showing no mercy:

Cringing as he scanned the section touting the city as the economic and cultural core of New York State's Capital Region, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly felt his heart break a little while perusing Albany's pitch to host the company's new national headquarters, sources confirmed Tuesday. "Oh, jeez, you can tell they put a lot of work into this sad presentation--they even provided a concept sketch of our headquarters across the river from their little Amtrak station," said Bezos, noting that the package, which included a custom-made SUNY Albany Great Danes football jersey with "AMAZON" written on the nameplate, laid out the many ways a new $5 billion campus would benefit from being situated nearby such landmarks as the New York State Museum and The Egg, a performance art center the proposal referred to as "iconic." ...

Brutal.

By the way...
Does anyone know if there's someone from this area who works/has worked at The Onion? It has focused on this place over the years with great specificity:
+ Nation's Boyfriends Dreading 'Free Event In The Park' Season (Niskayuna)
+ If I Go Extinct I Swear I Will Take As Many Humans With Me As I Can (Karner Blue butterfly)
+ ExxonMobil CEO Really Hurt That College Student Is Talking About Him Right Now (Skidmore)
+ Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving (Delmar)
+ Man Pushing Self To Point Of Effort (Albany)
+ Man With Serious Mental Illness Committed To City Bus (Albany)

(Those last two were pointed out by Mr. Dave on Twitter.)

There are probably a few more that we're missing.

Earlier: A snapshot of the Capital Region pitch to Amazon

Comments

Area Man Deeply Despondent Over 'The Onion' Stories

ALBANY — Cringing as he read yet another satirical article about his beloved hometown, the Albany resident said he's increasingly depressed with the news coverage his city receives.

"Yeah, it's great to see Albany in the national news. But wow, I gotta say it just hurts when it's 'The Onion' and they make fun of us. It really messes with my whole day." The area man went on to say "I just don't know why they have to pick on us. I mean, what about Tonawanda? Or Binghamton?"

"I don't even feel like seeing anything at The Egg or going to the Tulip Festival anymore — The Onion has ruined them for me."

At press time, the area man was seen wandering around the New York State Museum, dejectedly perusing 'McSweeney's' for any mention of his beloved hometown.

Bob's comment wins the week!

If anything, The Onion piece will bring some extra attention to the Capital Region's proposal, attention it may not have gotten otherwise. I think it can only help our slim chance.

You missed this very disturbing report:

https://www.theonion.com/human-head-found-in-hamburger-1819594651

All hail Bob :-)

Perhaps the same person who ran the Albany Smudge?

There are so many!!!
https://local.theonion.com/search?q=Albany+ny

It's like you want people to think that you think it's funny when you're really not laughing at all and trying to find the individual(s) who expose the bad ideas that come out. Huh.

I wonder how much we spent on that bid. Perhaps it could have gone to lower tax bills.

Bob's comment wins. Also, proposal had no gondola love, or mention of direct access to (polluted) Hudson?

Where are we on the Rensselaer to Lake George monorail project?

Say Something!

We'd really like you to take part in the conversation here at All Over Albany. But we do have a few rules here. Don't worry, they're easy. The first: be kind. The second: treat everyone else with the same respect you'd like to see in return. Cool? Great, post away. Comments are moderated so it might take a little while for your comment to show up. Thanks for being patient.

What's All Over Albany?

All Over Albany is for interested and interesting people in New York's Capital Region. In other words, it's for you. It's kind of like having a smart, savvy friend who can help you find out what's up. Oh, and our friends call us AOA.

Search

Recently on All Over Albany

The plan to fix a problem in Albany that's been a century in the making -- and the concerns about that fix

Albany is an old city, built atop layers of old infrastructure. And it's currently taking on a problem that is literally a hundred years --... (more)

Screening of The Place Beyond the Pines at Proctors with director Derek Cianfrance

Proctors is hosting a screening of The Place Beyond The Pines May 5 -- and the movie's director, Derek Cianfrance, will be there to talk... (more)

"Access to bikeshare seems to feed a demand for more bikeshare"

Over at City Lab there's an interesting look at the state of the bike share industry -- a business that's growing quickly -- and some... (more)

Sacred Sites Open House Weekend 2018

This year's Sacred Sites Open House Weekend is May 5-6. The event, organized by the New York Landmarks Conservancy, highlights the architecture and history of... (more)

Y La Bamba at The Linda

Indie folk pop act Y La Bamba is set to play a show at The Linda May 9. Tickets are $12. From an NPR review... (more)

Recent Comments

I have really enjoyed working with SEFCU Insurance Agency and have saved a great deal of money with them. If you are a SEFCU member, you will likely get an additional discount on top of bundling (auto+property, etc.) and other discounts most insurers offer. ...

Sacred Sites Open House Weekend 2018

...has 1 comment, most recently from jsc

Approval for another big apartment project, Warehouse District reuse, Pine Hills demos, and more exciting tales of the Albany planning board

...has 8 comments, most recently from Blergh

An insurance broker for car insurance?

...has 5 comments, most recently from ravioli

AOA is bringing presidential historian Alexis Coe to town and you should come because, wow, there's a lot to talk about (and it'll be fun)

...has 2 comments, most recently from Tim

Janet Jackson at SPAC

...has 1 comment, most recently from Tim