Free tickets to see Second City

secondcity.jpgHere's something to make your week a little more fun: We're giving away a pair of tickets to see The Second City at The Troy Music Hall on Thursday Night. Second City is the Chicago-based comedy improv troupe that produced all kinds of funny folks, including John Belushi, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert.

The traveling arm of Second City brings its Fair & Unbalanced show to the the Music Hall Thursday night at 7:30 pm. It's billed as "a hilarious ride through present day America," from Hollywood to Washington, DC.

It's Monday and we're pretty sure everyone needs a chuckle. So, to enter today's contest, make us laugh. Share your favorite joke, funny story, picture of giant cats photoshopped onto buildings -- whatever it is that makes you smile.

We'll draw one winner at random.

We can't win ourselves, but what they heck, we'll start.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet.

Yes, we learned this from a 6-year-old.

OK, your turn.

Very, very important: One entry per person. You must leave a comment to be eligible. You must submit your comment by noon on Tuesday, April 12. You must include a working email address (that you check regularly) with your comment. The winners will be notified by email by 5 pm on Tuesday, April 12 -- and must respond by noon on Wednesday April 13.


Q: Where do you bury potatoes?

A: In a gravy-yard!


Q: What's the worst thing you can hear while blowing Willie Nelson?

A: "I'm not Willie Nelson"

Why did the iphone cross the road? Because they have a app for that!

Got that from a 5yo....

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal...
Unlawful is something you do that is against the law...
illegal is a sick bird...

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

A: Dam!

In memory of Jim Ryan.

I don't have any photoshopped cats. Will photoshopped Nippers do?

A guy is out shopping when he realizes he has left his accordion in the car and forgot to lock the car. So he rushes to the car, but too late! Someone has put another accordion in his car.

Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?

So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate.

(According to my little sister when she was six)

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

So there is this snail who is really sick of being slow. One day, he decides to go to the car dealership and he tells the dealer, "I want your fastest car!"

The dealer replies, "No problem." and shows him the fastest cars in the lot.
The snail picks one out that he likes and tells the dealer, "I'll take this one, but I want everyone to know that it's me driving it, so I want you guys to paint a BIG letter 'S' on the hood, on the roof, and on the sides."

The dealer agrees and paints the letters on the car, by the time the car is ready and the paint is dry, the snail has just finished writing his check, so he pays and hops in his new ride and takes off.

Amazed by the feeling of going so fast, the snail really starts flying down the highway...80...90...100...110...120 miles per hour. As he breaks the 120 marker on his speedometer, he passes two cops sitting in their car on the side of the road.

Amazed by the speed of the vehicle, one cop turns to the other and asks, "Hey, did you just see that S-car go?"

Q: What is a potato's favorite kind of government?


What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the Rhino.

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?

A: You put a little boogie in it.

Now you officially know my favorite joke from when I was eight years old. :)

Ian Murphy's website for the upcoming special election in New York's 26th congressional district attempts to be both serious and hilarious.

What kind of driver doesn't need a license?

A screwdriver.

when is a door not a door?

when it is ajar!

when is a car not a car?

when it turns into a driveway!

Me: What's a pirates favorite letter?

You: Rrrrrrrr.

Me: Iiiiiiiiii.

What time is it when you go to the dentist?

Tooth Hurty :)

i need to see second city because i don't know any jokes!

A Yankees fan, a Mets fan, and a Red Sox fan are climbing a mountain while arguing about who loves his team more. The Mets fan insists he is the most loyal. ''This is for the Mets," he yells, and he jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Yankees fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells "This is for the Yankees!!!" and pushes the Red Sox fan off the mountain.

Why didn't Hitler drink?

He was a mean drunk.

You know you eat fast food too much when this happens:
My son about 3 years old at the time was in his car seat in the back of the car. I drove up to the teller at the bank drive-thru to do my regular banking when the teller says "Hello, what can I do for you today?" My son yells out - "Mom, I want a happy meal. Can I please get a happy meal?" The teller and I had a good laugh. I still smile whenever I think of that day or go through the drive-thru at the bank.

Why did the crocodile cross the road?

He was following the chicken.

Please don't take offense with this one, just playin' (& I don't think she would mind):

Mary was beginning to show that she was pregnant and the rumors were flying in Nazareth. After all she wasn't married long enough to look THAT pregnant:

Mary finally said to one old gossip monger:
"That's my story and I'm STICKING WITH IT!"

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?


Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
A: To a crow bar.

I just know musician jokes

how can you tell if the stage is level?

the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth

Q: What did Dorothy say to the light switch?
A: Are you a good switch or a bad switch?

Q:What do you get if you cross a fish with an elephant?

A:Swimming trunks.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Thermos who?

Thermos be a better knock-knock joke than this!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Atch who?
I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!

Where do cows go on their first date? To the MOOvies!
(compliments of Anna, age 4)

A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bar tender says "what's this, some kind of joke?"

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel attached to his crotch.
The bar tender says, "Man, that must hurt!"
The Pirate replies, "Rrrrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?


Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. ' Oh you're so stupid!' shouted Dick.

'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say you're sorry.'

'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're stupid.'

What do you call a person who speaks three languages?
What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
What do you call a person who speaks one language?

A women living in the country side needed to go to the beauty salon. Her car was in the shop.The only car that was available was her husbands convertible.
On her way back from the hair dresser she saw a baby mose crying by the side of the road.She asked the mose why he was so upset. The mose's parents were searching for him on the other side of town, and had put up flyers looking for him!
The lady told the little mose to get in, and she would reunite him with his parents.Her concern was also hunters being able to see the mose.So she told him to climb on top of her bonnet. He looked like a hat ornament!
When she ,and the mose were driving by her husband he said her hair looked nice,but hadn't the hairdresser used a little too much mose on her head!

Q: Why does Ariel wear Sea shells?
A: Because the B-shells are too small and the D-shells are too big.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

A comedian walks up to his agent and says, "The Aristocrats."

A guy walks into a bar.

He says "ow."

True Story: I was talking to my Mom on the phone about doing a video chat on gmail with my three-year-old son. My Mom tells me she needs to postpone awhile because she discovered that someone had egged her house overnight and she needed to clean it up first. So after I hang up I tell my son that we have to wait a bit to see Grandma on the computer because someone threw eggs at her house and she needs to clean it up. My son looks at me with great concern and says, "Daddy, was it the Easter Bunny?"

That made my day.

Q: What is red and invisible.
A: No tomatoes

So one day, a chameleon was walking along on the forest floor, looking up in all the trees with his squiggly eyes. He comes upon a tree and sees a Koala sitting up on a branch, smoking a joint. So he yells, "Holy Crap, you’re a Koala and you are smoking in a tree, perhaps I could share a little of that with you?"
The Koala kindly replies, "Sure come on up!"
So the Chameleon slowly walks up the tree like a leaf until he reaches the branch with the Koala. His crazy chameleon eyes squiggle all around and sees that the Koala has hundreds of rolled joints tucked into ever crevasse and crack in the tree. "Lets get started man." says the very generous Koala.
Koala and Chameleon sit there for hours smoking so many joints to their faces. A kaleidoscope of colors glaze over their eyes as they spiral deeper and deeper into the fabric that holds everything together.
Later as if waking from a deca-coma, Chameleon snaps to with incredible cotton mouth.
"Hey Koala, I'm going to go for a drink." Chameleon gets up and stumbles out on a branch of the tree that hangs over the river. Being in a slightly alternate universe he thinks that his tongue will somehow reach the river some 20 ft below, but instead just falls into the water with a refreshing splash. Chameleon starts swimming around just lapping the water up with each stroke of his forked claw. So thirsty.
As he is drinking Chameleon is approached by a Crocodile. "What are you doing swimming around in this river Chameleon, this is no place for you."
"You will never believe this but I was smoking blunts to the face with this Koala up in a tree on the side of the river." Chameleon points Mr. Crocodile in the direction of the tree and with a peculiar allure comparable to one of a juggling act gone horribly wrong the Crocodile goes to see this Koala.
He approaches the bottom of the tree and looks up to see the Koala, "Hey You Koala...Whats Up!!"
Koala responds, "Damn Chameleon...How much did you drink?"

When my sister was little she told my dad that when she grew up she wanted to be a dictionary. My dad said that everyone has dictionaries so she should be something more unique and did she perhaps want to be a thesaurus instead. She screwed up her brow, thought it about it for a moment, then said "But I don't want to be a dinosaur".

knock knock
who's there
Lettuce who?
Let us please be included in your drawing even though I'm 5 minutes late!!!

Any closer to a winner?

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