AOA Limerick Contest results

soft focus four leaf clover

It'll take more than luck to win.

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, we thought it would be fun to have a limerick contest. And to make it a bit more interesting, we put up a $20 gift certificate to the Ginger Man as a prize.

The results are now in! Daniel Nester -- author, poet, professor, admirer of things inappropriate -- was nice enough to serve as the judge. His selection -- plus the Editors' pick and all the entries -- after the jump.

Thanks to everyone who entered!

The winning entry

Here's the winner, as chosen by Daniel Nester from an unmarked lineup -- that is, we removed all the author's names from the entries before we presented them to Dan.

The Best of the Region was spotty
The Metroland poll was just dotty
Subway's the pits
It's Andy's that's tits
So says the sub literati

Submitted by: Daniel B

Comments Professor Nester:

It is my honor to choose this limerick as the winner of the AOA Limerick Contest. There are many reasons for my choice, but I will outline just a few here in my short remarks. First, there is the poet's use of a multisyllabic rhyme ("spotty"/"literati"), a hallmark of so much of our great verse, is especially masterful when it works within the strictures of the Limerick's quantitative accentual-syllabic stanza form.

Second, there's the actual message of the poem. The limerick, long held to be a form of bawdy and light verse, is used for public pronouncements. Lewis Turco, in his invaluable guide to poetry The Book of Forms, points out that the limerick is part of the family tree of the "madsong," or poems by a madman or fool. And we can see that the author is indeed mad, angry over a certain arts weekly's poll. But this kind of a poem can also speak publicly, and so makes a statement on our arts weekly's "dotty" annual poll of the region's finest attractions.

The use of both crudity ("tits") and the pun of "sub" -- one meaning below or inferior to, the other the name of sandwich, short for submarine--rounds out a limerick that, for me, makes full use of the limerick's vers de société appeal. It also makes me hungry for a six-inch turkey sandwich, without cheese, but with lettuce, tomato, onion, and light use of a spicy mustard.

Congratulations to Daniel B. He gets a $20 gift certificate to the Ginger Man in Albany.

Editors' pick

Being the Editors' favorite doesn't win you anything but our respect and admiration. But congrats to laiskiainen for a fun entry:

"Thaddeus K"

In our War For Independence he mustered
Strong defenses and never got flustered
Now a bridge bears his name,
But his true claim to fame
Is his likeness upon jars of mustard.

Submitted by: laiskiainen

All the entries

Here are all the entries, in no particular order. Thanks again to everyone who entered!

With the weekend abuse I'm observing
this here recipe is more deserving
A pint of beer on the side
with either scrambled or fried
These kegs and eggs are all that I'm serving

-Chuck Miller

I've worked hard for most of this Wednesday
Could use some good news, that I must say
so I fired up my browser
and in an instant said "Wowzer!"
I made "in the Neighorbood" on A O A!

-Chuck Miller

There once was a Delmar kid, quite brash,
Who thought harassment was funny when you dash.
His speed, in evidence,
Matched that of his intelligence.
And now he's left with a ding-dong-rash.


Welcome to the Empire State
Where the budget is frequently late
Our Taxes are sky high
Though we can't understand why
We've just accepted it as our fate.

-Karen W

Albany taxpayers are in a pickle
Because its lawmakers are totally fickle
First they spend as there's not tomorrow
Then express their deepest sorrow
But they're not happy till they have your last nickel.

-Karen W

There once was a man named Ray Dudson
Who searched for a pub to drink suds in.
He looked all around
But harder he found
to park on Lark, Jay or Hudson.

-Tim K

We know a fine mayor with complexion ersatz
Which puts us in mind of some derma by Katz
That orange patina which bummeth the stoner
That mutes the loquacious and makes him a loner
As day-glo as it be, twin to the skin of John Boehner

-Steve S

Long time since NY's run in black
Short on green - workers soon may be sacked
Perhaps it's our fate
And it may turn out great
Headline to read:
"Proctor's To Take Over State!"

-Steve S

When SUNYA took the scissor
To Languages and Theater
It seemed that they'd gone past the pale
But after recent events on Hudson and Quail
Maybe it's all part of some mad master plan
Hatched by folks high on green eggs and ham

-Steve S

Tasty things all seemed to elude
Then I discovered Albany's food
The fish fry was nice
Ate mini-dogs thrice
It's too bad that the sturgeon got screwed

-Daniel B

Beware the Ides of March, they say,
For Albany students come out and play.
They'll exit the bars
And attack your cars
And residents can only pray.


Grace Latham is one fellowship of two
Learn what power of prayer can do
Seek and you shall find
A gift that is one of a kind
And then God will always amaze you.


At a Lake George theater, did you know
A funny thing started there thirty years ago
Grab details of this hit play
At Shearmadness dot com today
And buy your tickets to this hilarious show


title: "No Joy In Mudville"

Time springs forward 'n Brackets are set
Dear Siena again poses no threat

but we do not despair
when laughter we share

At the rhymes of Sir T.J. Ferdette


title: "Thaddeus K"

In our War For Independence he mustered
Strong defenses and never got flustered
Now a bridge bears his name,
But his true claim to fame
Is his likeness upon jars of mustard.


title: "Political Scion"

Kirsten Gillibrand's rise has been fast
And it seems that she's going to last
Just consider this warning:
She may be a Corning.
The Heir to the Throne of Erast(us)


And here's one that was submitted after the deadline:

The moment is finally here
when laddies partake of green beer
from recent events
it seems a good bet
the day comes round but once a year


photo: Flickr user billaday


Wow! I'm honored.

It was a lot of fun to write these. When my wife came home, I couldn't wait to share them. But after reading the limericks to her (in my best Carl Kasell voice) she just looked at me like I was nuts.

Thank you professor Nestor. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

Hey cool, thanks for the honorable mention! This was a fun idea, I would love to see more creative contests like this. I had lots of fun reading through the limericks, and congratulations to Daniel B. for a great submission and the well-deserved win.

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