Other Timelines: The Portal

portal on SUNY plaza

By Big 'Vic' Proton

It's Other Timelines week on AOA, in which we'll be looking at alternate histories of this place, about big and small things that did or did not happen.

BVP has been dropping delightfully weird, tiny stories in the comments here at AOA for years, so we thought it'd be fun to have him write a few super short stories based on this week's alternate history theme. Here's the first, about what happens when you arrive late to the past...

The Albany Portal had already been open for about three years before I had a chance to go.

By that time there were about 30 around the world, maybe more, so it had become pretty normal.

Downtown Albany BID alternate history-in-post ad

ACCVB alternate history in-post ad

FOGS alternate history in-post ad

CDPHP in-post ad

MHHS alternate history in-post ad

I would have gone sooner, but I had a ton of student loan debt from my two-year degree in shelving. Close to a quarter-million dollars! And how many jobs are there putting things on shelves? Not many, it turns out.

I would have stopped paying the loans back but the Student Loan people are hiring Buddhists now and tracking you down in your next lives, so I decided to pay it off and avoid the post-life hassle. Which, of course, left me with about six dollars to live off a month. And they wanted $200 to go through the portal.

So, what a surprise when I found that the Dalia Lady next door had left me her estate before they carted her off. It would have paid off the whole loan before the government got their cut. But in the end the "big check" came out to be $217.49. Typical. Might as well spend it on The Portal.

I was so excited! To see Albany before even Henry Hudson had!

Of course, it wasn't time travel, they call it a co-dimension. But in that dimension nobody had apparently made it to the "New World" yet. Albany without cars, streets, buildings. No 787 in front of the river! I couldn't wait.

What a let-down!

After pushing through Portal with about a thousand other tourists, the first thing we see on the other side are big RAMAL billboards advertising donuts, iced sugar-coffees, and hospitals. Who the hell chooses their hospital from a billboard in a second dimension?

A Stewart's is already up and running at the foot of where Krank Street is supposed to be. Everything is mud and tree stumps, some smoldering away, covered in garbage. Scratch tickets blow about in the smoky wind. ATVs are lugging fat tourists up and down a slimy road to the river where boats are running booze cruises. The water is a big sheen of oil from a fuel spill a couple of months back.

I cross on a ferry with the Dirty Dancing soundtrack blasting out over the water. The east side is still so green.

I decide to walk to a nice spot along the Kinderhook Creek I used to fish. Stephentown in the real dimension. I think I will stay. They can't get me to pay through the Portal, can they?

Big 'Vic' Proton was born in Vermont and has been trying to return ever since. In this dimension, he is happily living in Troy with his Russian wife and her big gold chair.

More from Other Timelines
+ What would Albany be like today if the Empire State Plaza had not been built?
+ Other Timelines drawing: What's a local "what if" question that you'd love to know the answer to?
+ Six huge institutions that set up here... almost

Comments

Have read this 3 times.....wtf???? Should I try to smoke pot and the read it? Despite a phd and a minor in literature and writing at an Ivy League school I have no idea what the point is here.....

@BS: I don't know, try turning it off and turning it back on again. Sometimes that works.

@ BS: Maybe you should try getting into a shelving program?

Say Something!

We'd really like you to take part in the conversation here at All Over Albany. But we do have a few rules here. Don't worry, they're easy. The first: be kind. The second: treat everyone else with the same respect you'd like to see in return. Cool? Great, post away. Comments are moderated so it might take a little while for your comment to show up. Thanks for being patient.

What's All Over Albany?

All Over Albany is for interested and interesting people in New York's Capital Region. In other words, it's for you. It's kind of like having a smart, savvy friend who can help you find out what's up. Oh, and our friends call us AOA.

Search

Recently on All Over Albany

Stuff to do this weekend

Welcome to that transitional weekend when we go from falling leaves to holiday lights. This is also the last weekend before the holiday craziness sets... (more)

Morning Blend

Trial in the death of Noel Alkaramla The jury in now deliberating in the the trial of Johnny Oquendo -- accused of killing Noel Alkaramla... (more)

Today's moment of architecture

Architecture moods around West Capitol Park Thursday night: The Capitol: LOOK AT ME! The Smith Building: I just want to efficiently finish this file and... (more)

The Regrettes at The Low Beat

Garage rock band The Regrettes are set to play a show at The Low Beat December 6. Tickets are $10 and available online. The band's... (more)

The Women of Schuyler Mansion

The Schuyler Mansion has closed for general admission for the winter season, but it will still be open in the coming months for special tours.... (more)

Recent Comments

My grandmother has Alzheimers and sometimes comes to stay with us in Troy. Last week the absolutely highlight of her day was seeing the hundreds of crows that came streaming by the window at our apartment. I watched her go from completely unresponsive to engaged... stringing questions together and returning to her old joyful self for the half hour she watched those birds was enough to endear crows to me forever.

If you see someone running around throwing bird seed in Riverfront Park yelling "COME ON DOWN, BIRD FRIENDS!", it's me.

A few more details about the proposed mixed-use development near St. Peter's hospital

...has 18 comments, most recently from jsc

The ethics of dropping your dog's poop in a neighbor's garbage can

...has 38 comments, most recently from Howz

Today's moment of architecture

...has 1 comment, most recently from BS

The Regrettes at The Low Beat

...has 1 comment, most recently from Brian

Looking ahead on the future of the Helderberg Hudson Rail Trail

...has 4 comments, most recently from jsc