All Over Albany

15 Albany-area mentions in The Onion, ranked

As noted earlier this week when The Onion savagely roasted the Capital Region's pitch for the Amazon headquarters, mentions of this area often pop up in the satirical outlet.

So here are 15 of those mentions, ranked by burn level.

(there's more)

As if Jeff Bezos's heart breaks for anything

The Onion, showing no mercy:

Cringing as he scanned the section touting the city as the economic and cultural core of New York State's Capital Region, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly felt his heart break a little while perusing Albany's pitch to host the company's new national headquarters, sources confirmed Tuesday. "Oh, jeez, you can tell they put a lot of work into this sad presentation--they even provided a concept sketch of our headquarters across the river from their little Amtrak station," said Bezos, noting that the package, which included a custom-made SUNY Albany Great Danes football jersey with "AMAZON" written on the nameplate, laid out the many ways a new $5 billion campus would benefit from being situated nearby such landmarks as the New York State Museum and The Egg, a performance art center the proposal referred to as "iconic." ...

Brutal.

By the way...
Does anyone know if there's someone from this area who works/has worked at The Onion? It has focused on this place over the years with great specificity:
+ Nation's Boyfriends Dreading 'Free Event In The Park' Season (Niskayuna)
+ If I Go Extinct I Swear I Will Take As Many Humans With Me As I Can (Karner Blue butterfly)
+ ExxonMobil CEO Really Hurt That College Student Is Talking About Him Right Now (Skidmore)
+ Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving (Delmar)
+ Man Pushing Self To Point Of Effort (Albany)
+ Man With Serious Mental Illness Committed To City Bus (Albany)

(Those last two were pointed out by Mr. Dave on Twitter.)

There are probably a few more that we're missing.

Earlier: A snapshot of the Capital Region pitch to Amazon

Post-election cocktails with Kate

In which local anchorlady Kate Welshofer offers ideas for soothing the post-election night hangover.

Test Drive Surprise

Check out the comedy short embedded above from Funny or Die. You might recognize a few people in it...

Yep, that's local comedian Greg Aidala, the Kate Welshofer, and Justin Alvis. The short was directed by Bobby Chase.

The story behind Larkasaurus Rex

As seen last week. (Thanks again, Heather!)

Last week we posted a pic sent along to us by Heather for a dinosaur -- T. Rex, it appeared -- walking down Lark Street.

A lot of people seemed to get a good laugh out of the pic. So we followed up to ask the very important question: "What the (heck) was that about?!"

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On Lark Street, not extinct

T-Rex probably wears flip-flops because then there's no reaching down to tie laces. (And we all know arm length is a sensitive topic with Rex.)

Heather sent along this scene from Lark Street Thursday.

Just your typical summer evening.

(Thanks, Heather!)

Hardcore produce

Produce for hardcore lady types @PriceChopper pic.twitter.com/zrXA0Y19yL

— Karen E Conway (@vertdragain) January 8, 2016

Karen noticed this tag in a local Price Chopper. Typo? We're gonna go with inspired.

Grilling with Kate

TWC/Charter/Not-Comcast News really just needs to give Kate Welshofer her own show.

A big group of A-holes

This made us smile: Local designer Curtis Canham has created a book about A-holes.

The negative space in a letter A, of course. (Why? What were you thinking about?)

Canham is currently raising money on Kickstarter to publish the coffee table book. As of this morning, the campaign needs just about $2,500 with 11 days to go. He explains how the book came about in the quick video embedded above. (Pretty sure he was trying to see how many times he could say "a-hole" in that video.)

Here's a sample from the book, which covers the anatomy of a-holes, historic a-holes, and families of a-holes.

"Say hi to everybody in Albany ... not now, later"

Two Saint Rose students were on the Tonight Show Tuesday night as part of the "Freestylin' With the Roots" bit -- and it was all spring flowers and... candy corn.

And, of course, Jimmy Fallon is an alum, so they had that to talk about, too.

Fully operational

The latest photo illustration from local photographer John Bulmer:

That's no space station, that's The Egg! @TheEggPAC pic.twitter.com/j5rz8KUM55

— John Bulmer (@johnbulmer) January 11, 2015

You might remember Bulmer from the striking post-Apocalyptic Capital Region series "Reclaimed" and "Dark City."

Earlier on AOA:
+ Maybe there wasn't enough money for a spaceship
+ Just another snowy day on Lark Street... (or Hoth)

Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

From Lighting Research Center at RPI some science to go along with the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer story:

Interestingly, LRC research on perception under headlamp illumination of different colors under inclement weather like blowing snow confirms that the red color of Rudolph's nose was a very fortunate circumstance. LRC researchers John Bullough and Mark Rea measured peoples' ability to perform a driving task while looking through a simulated nighttime snowstorm. The headlights in that study could be red, yellow, white or blue-green, meaning people had to look through visual noise illuminated by different colors while performing the driving task. Performance was best under the red light and worst for the blue-green light. Bullough's and Rea's results showed that the light reflected by blowing snow when driving at night is least distracting when the color is red and that sensitivity to conditions like their simulated snowstorm may be influenced by rod photoreceptors in drivers' eyes, which are more sensitive to "blue" light and less sensitive to "red" light. In other words, the light from Rudolph's red nose could help make rooftops more visible by making blowing snow less visible!

And to think they used to laugh and call him names.

Looking forward to the "Rudolph" setting for the headlights on some future car.

"Why not get some booty with your civic duty?"

And now local anchorlady Kate Welshofer with some Election Day news you can use.

After the break: We lobby CapitalNews9/YNN/TWCN/PossiblySomedayComcast to give Kate's goofball alter ego* her own segment.

Coxsackie. Skaneateles. Canajoharie.

This is total linkbait, but it's funny linkbait: The real estate website Movoto asked Californians how to pronounces the names of places in upstate New York.

Coxsackie. Skaneateles. Canajoharie. And so on. Hijinks ensue.

Memories, of laser cats and laser dogs

Remember Schenectady High School senior Draven Rodriguez and the laser cat yearbook photo?

Here's the compromise photo planned for the yearbook: Rodriguez and Mr. Bigglesworth along with principal Diane Wilkerson and her dog Vivian. CBS6 has some behind-the-scenes photo from the shoot, and reports the photo will appear on the principal's page of the yearbook with a message about pet adoption. [Daily Gazette] [CBS6]

Oh, and if you'd like your own laser cat portrait, the photographer -- Vincent Giordano of Trinacria Photography -- is offering them for $225.

photo: Trinacria Photography

Cats. Lasers. Memories.

With Mr.Bigglesworth.

Schenectady High School senior Draven Rodriguez has won yearbook this year. And the internet.

That's the photo he planned to submit to the yearbook this year, and started a pre-emptive petition for the photo's inclusion. Over at the Daily Gazette, Mark McGuire has some backstory -- and word from the school district about the photo's chances of making it in.

[via @CBS6]

photo: Vincent Giordano

"What if the pretzel was dipped in yogurt?"

The Daily Show took up the state Senate's recent debate over yogurt becoming the official state snack of New York. (Really.) Or, as Jon Stewart described it: "This was maybe the best 40 minutes any legislative chamber anywhere in the country has ever spent."

Unfortunately, we're still at a loss as to whether frozen yogurt qualifies -- an important question given the impending summer weather. According to the Ranzerhofer Principle of Yogurt Inclusiveness, we think the answer is yes. But ultimately it could be a question for the courts.

Earlier on AOA: On state animals, vegetables and whatnot

Just another snowy day on Lark Street...

Be sure to bundle up out there. We hear the inside of a tauntaun is rather smelly.

Thanks, Tim!

Be it known, this chimney has been swept

Here's the receipt in large format.

Some fun follow-up on Val's question from a month ago about finding a chimney sweep. She posts on Twitter:

Thanks to my Ask @alloveralbany inquiry we had our chimney swept by Pete Looker who left this excellent receipt. [above]

I wish I was home to meet him. As the other commenters on @alloveralbany noted he did indeed wear a stovepipe hat!

And the judges award the win to Pete Looker, for execution and style!

After seeing this receipt, we were thinking we might enjoy those ridiculously long drugstore receipts if they had passages from Dickens or some sort of other Victorian literature on the back. Heck, some of them are long enough, you might be able to fit a whole chapter.

(Thanks, Val!)

The anchorlady as sitcom character

We've had a strong suspicion for some time that YNN anchorlady Kate Welshofer -- all composed and serene on screen -- is actually a total goofball in real life. Suspicion confirmed!

A few weeks back Welshofer started a video series on her No Teleprompter, No Mercy blog. The latest episode -- about being hungover (not that sort of hangover... we think) -- is embedded above. See also: Kate on Halloween, and Kate on trying to finish last in a 5k.

The clips are goofy. And they kind of create the impression that YNN is actually the fake TV station in a sitcom about a character named Kate. (This would explain so much about AnchorCat Brian.)

So we're waiting for the episode in which Kate mistakenly wears that pink wig from the Halloween episode during a news segment. Hijinks ensue.

A tribute to Jerry Jennings in meatloaf and mashed potatoes

Please stop what you're doing and take a moment to view a new work of art. A marking of a historic moment in Albany history as it makes an every-few-decades-or-more transition. A tribute in the media of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Behold: Loafy Jennings.

This masterwork is the creation of the esteemed Mr. Dave, proprietor of the Ridiculous Food Society of Upstate New York -- where he details the process of creating the meatloaf relief:

Albany Mayor Jerry Jennings has been synonymous in my mind with the city at large for the past 20 years. Alas, as all things eventually do, his run as the leader of the city in which I was born has come to an end. One of the dominate traits of my personality is that I do not handle change very well and that I am prone to fits of nostalgia. I am already nostalgic for the Jennings era and it hasn't even come to a close yet. So I was thinking of how, in my own small way, I might offer tribute and in my own nonsensical manner immortalize Mayor Jennings.

All hail Mr. Dave. He has won the local internet today.

photo: The Ridiculous Food Society of Upstate New York

Behold, the apple cider crodo

About a week ago we got a question from Spencer about where to find something like a cronut here in the Capital Region. As you might know, a cronut is essentially a donut made from croissant dough. The "pastry hybrid" is said to be the creation of Dominique Ansel, a chef in Manhattan (who also trademarked the name). It's become a thing, with long lines and other accompanying zaniness.

Anyway, we posted Spencer's question. And in doing so, we mentioned -- only about half seriously -- that some local bakery should look into making an apple cider cronut. You know, because upstate.

Well, it turned out that The Crisp Cannoli in East Greenbush has been making a "crodo" -- basically its version of the cronut. And today, apparently inspired by our suggestion, it unveiled, yes... The Apple Cider Croissant Donut (AKA: CRODO).

And with that, our work here is done. Thank you and goodnight.

photo: The Crisp Cannoli

Well, that is upstate...

You know, everyone makes mistakes sometimes. It happens.

And sometimes, when it does happen, you have to laugh.

That screengrab above is from the Martin Bashir show on MSNBC, about the upcoming Barack Obama bus tour through upstate New York. And as @AlbanyArchives remarked: "We'd like to welcome Binghamton, Buffalo and Cuse to the Capital Region!"

The show owned up to the mistake. From a tweet last night:

Thank you viewers (and Buffalo bloodline @lukerussert) for pointing out our erroneous PA/NY map...an honest geographic mistake...

[via @AlbanyArchives]

Update: A map of the MSNBC cities versus where the actual cities are (with distances)...

(there's more)

GRAARRARRR

This made us laugh: Former Fox23 reporter Julie Tremmel -- now apparently on the ursine beat for a station in Rhode Island -- recently put together a package about a man who faced down a bear in his yard. Part of the story: how to "protect yourself should you come across a curious bear."

Then she demonstrated. And didn't hold anything back.

Buzzfeed has gifs.

[via @KLowmanTV]

Bumper gawking

The elusive Khaaaaan!

We like to gawk at custom license plates.

And we know you do, too.

Here's yet another new bunch from around town...

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